Mo asked me to write a piece about how I feel and how I experienced the past period. I will try to be as honest as possible, so you can see my experience as best friend clearly.
My name is Mirte and I’ve known Mo since third grade. We walked into the classroom, we looked at each other and I knew instantly: this is my BFF. We’ve been inseparable ever since. Unfortunately, we did get separated in the first year of high school, but she came back to my school for the second year. In the fourth year we were in the same class, finally. That was noticeable when u looked at Mo’s grades, though. She had to repeat the fourth year, when I proceeded to the fifth. This was the year Mo found out she was sick.
So, my best friend is sick. Terribly sick. This has been going on for two years, at least. At first, it was unreal for me. I mean; can you imagine that your best friend suffers from cancer? I have to admit that I still don’t realize it yet. Especially the past period was really heavy. A few weeks ago, she was hospitalized because she was in a lot of pain. They didn’t know what caused it. And what’s happening now or what the doctors can do, they don’t know either.
But how do I feel about this?
It’s hard. But I’m very down to earth and don’t realize all the stuff that is happening surrounding Mo. I’m not sure yet if I can’t or won’t realize what is actually going on. It could be that since Mo is always so down to earth about it. She was already like this before all this happened.
A while back I joined her to the hospital. The atmosphere of the Princes Maxima Centre is very pleasant, while before I actually went there people told me it can be quite an emotional rollercoaster to go there. The thing is: I don’t see Mo as ‘being sick’ or a ‘patient’ to me she is Mo, my friend. The days Mo spends in the hospital are heavy. Leaving home before 07:00 in the morning, travelling for an hour, going from appointment to appointment, lots of waiting in between and finally home around dinner. I admire her a lot.
My way of processing this is actually very stupid. Because I don’t. I just continue with what I’m doing until for example I ruin my mascara and then suddenly I have to cry a lot. Not because of the mascara (because who cares), but because something is bothering me. Sometimes I notice this through my body. I become nauseous or very tired. It takes a lot of energy to suppress all of this. As I said: very dumb and not the right way to do it, but this is how I deal with it. As I said: very dumb and not the right way to do it, but this is how I deal with it.
If there is any news, she always shares it by sending a text message. I think we both appreciate this method of communicating to talk about her and the hospital. It gives me the feeling that when we actually meet, we can talk about fun stuff. Happy to say that we still laugh a lot together.
Over the last period, news from the hospital meant bad news. When I see that a message has been sent or when I hear my mom say “Mirt, Ilonka send us a message” I know enough. Stupid right? I automatically expect the worst, while that doesn’t have to be the case at all. I can still learn a lot from Mo and her incredible positive mindset.
So, what do I feel about this? Simply said: it sucks.
Still, I truly believe that she will fully recover, with the help from all of us. I want to thank Siem for all the support that he gives to Mo (and me as well). I am so happy that he is around. Also I truly appreciate all the commitment from everybody. Bizarre but truly heartwarming.
I am so proud of my friend and I truly admire her for how she’s going through all this. So strong and such a great mindset. We can all learn a good lesson from her.
I love you Mo and remember we’re doing this, together.
Lots of love,
Mirt
